Judith

My new addiction since retiring has been 'going to the gym.' I love it – the exercise, the satisfaction of improving my fitness and the people I meet. One of those people is Judith. She has been a faithful participant in the Balance class at my local gym for a very long time. I would describe Judith as an elegant lady. She is slim, impeccably groomed (usually in black) – her lips neatly outlined in red lipstick. Judith arrives before the class begins – she often sits beside me on the rowing machine and we exchange greetings. She also uses weights and the bike machine. I have observed her often during my gym sessions and wondered about her life. She is quite reserved and I have been hesitant to delve too deeply into her privacy – preferring to get to know her gradually over time. It seemed there was no hurry. Apart from a few occasions in the change rooms we have not really had a proper conversation. Judith has been an inspiration for me – she is 78yrs old, fit and healthy.

Recently, Judith went to hospital for exploratory surgery – a routine operation. Something went wrong. Judith did not return. Her life was over. 

Her 'space' in gym class now empty; her seat on the rowing machine next to mine filled by someone else. How I wish I had been more interested in her life – what treasures would I have discovered and what wisdom may I have gained? We think that life will go on – even though we know that death comes to everyone. We think we will always have tomorrow but how deluded we are. Is it possible, I wonder, to live life fully yet, simultaneously, hold life loosely in our grasp. I guess a lot depends on your perspective – is life really over when we breathe our last - or is it the beginning of something better? I am grateful that God has shown in Jesus what death can mean – coming home to where we really belong.

Maybe, I'll see Judith there.

Distractions or Reminders?

It has been some time since I last blogged! I have found that there have been too many distractions in my life to actually sit down and think. I no longer dwell in a quiet, ordered and predictable home! As happens in many families - the adult children have flown back to roost - literally! Accompanying them are their 3 gorgeous little children (aged 4,3,and 1) and their much loved rough collie pup, Indie! So our home is now filled to the brim - 4 adults, 3 children and 3 dogs! It is no coincidence, perhaps that my husband's work commitments have increased and 

he is working 10 hrs a day - sometimes 6 days a week! 

But as I write this blog - the house is quiet and peaceful. 

All three kiddies are asleep and tonight's dinner is being prepared for me to enjoy. There are some benefits I have discovered and sharing the cooking is definitely one of them. Despite the chaos, the noise, the mess and the chores - the past 4 months have been a joy. I have been re-directed to a younger time of my life. The cuddles in bed with the grand-kids remind me of lazy Saturday mornings cuddling my own kids in bed until the game of hiding under the 

blankets became way too rough to handle. The bedtime stories remind me of the magical world that I once enjoyed as a little girl wrapped up in the Folk of the Faraway Tree. I can see myself flying through the air as a child as I push the kids on the swing and jump with them on the trampoline. Even the mealtime chaos reminds me of the patience and perseverance God has developed in my character through the gift of parenting. To be able to share with my kids and grand-kids, the everyday moments of their lives creates in me a sense of fulfillment and completion.

 I am proud of the way my kids parent their kids - each of them with different priorities and different strategies - but all of them with a steadfast love and affection for their children. How wonderful to be able to see them bestow this gift of love on their children. 

Is this how God feels about us? Does he delight in us as we delight in our own children and as we love others in our world. This is what every child and every adult need - to know they are 

completely loved. 

As 2011 draws to a close - I find that the distractions of my busy household are actually reminders of One whose love for me is totally complete. He has watched me grow up through the tantrums, the tragedies and the triumphs of life and He still holds me in the palm of His hand and whispers my name.

Simple Pleasures

This morning I watched the sunrise over the Pacific Ocean - a simple yet, awe inspiring experience. It was simultaneously an opportunity for reflection and anticipation. A sunrise - a new day, bringing with it hopes, expectations, possibilities. A simple uncluttered moment in which life is savoured, made sweeter because I was alone - no crowds, joggers, prams, bicycles, cafes or high rise apartments to distract my thoughts. After travelling north for several days (albeit slowly) we had finally arrived at a place where life was simple. There is something about living in an uncluttered manner that refreshes me. Although I do enjoy the luxury of resort style holidays occasionally, my spirit is renewed when I live close to nature, eating simple foods and sheltering in humble dwellings. Until recently, that dwelling was a tent. Now it is an old second hand van. I love that its old and pre-loved. It is warm and cosy at night and has all we need... and that is really not very much when you think about it. As I write I can hear the melodious morning birdsong, the gentle hum of the waves and the sunlight is filtering through the windows. It is a glorious morning and I'm glad to be able to enjoy such a generous gift from God. As I anticipate the day ahead, there are no plans - just moments to be enjoyed. 

Living in the Moment

'What do you have planned for this week? - a common enough question, one that I have asked and responded to many times. For most of my life I have intricately planned each day - often on an hourly basis. Activities for myself, my students, my family and  my friends were thought about, prepared and allocated a particular time slot in which they would occur. This is the way a well-organised and fruitful life is managed. Of course the unexpected does occur and at such times it is important to  be flexible, but in so doing one has to be careful not to divert too far from the pre-determined path. Right?? 

Most weeks, in my retired life, I still have a structure on which to hang the various activities of my life. But this last week there were no specific outings organised - in fact it was looking pretty bare. I fought off a vague feeling of panic as I looked at the week ahead. That question -'So what do you do now that you're retired?' loomed threateningly on the horizon as I realised, that my answer to such a question, this week would be nothing but a garbled cliche.... 'Oh a bit of this and that' maybe. I realised that I was not very comfortable with having such freedom. What was I concerned about?... boredom, loneliness, isolation, purposelessness. Another part of me however, was curious - how would I really cope with my 'empty' week? Maybe this was an opportunity to live in the moment, rather than control it. 

As the week unfolded, I was encouraged by the opportunities that arose, precisely because I had not planned a plethora of activity to fill up each day. There was no way that boredom was even a part of the equation! My neighbour needed my babysitting sevices on Tuesday afternoon; I was able to provide my daughter-in-law with some household help on Wednesday. We delighted in the company of good friends on Wednesday night. A surprise overnight visit from my sister and brother-in-law was the focus for Thursday. Friday morning was an extremely pleasant shopping trip to Morpeth. And we were privileged to enjoy the company of our daughter, her husband and kiddies on Friday and Saturday. So that was my unplanned week!! As I look back, each day brought with it an opportunity to serve and love others. I didn't stress about any of it. The surprising thing was how satisfying and contented I felt in just 'going with the flow.' 

Hopefully, this week's free spaces will bring opportunities for rest as well as service!

Dancing With The Stars

In recent weeks my husband and I have started dancing. Not in the spontaneous 'let just dance around the kitchen to Michael Buble' sense but in the 'let's have lessons and actually learn to dance properly' sense. We have attempted this once before. We lasted almost 8 weeks before our brains were bamboozled and our romantic notions were buried under sore toes, frayed nerves and seriously sensitive egos. That time – it was ballroom dancing – where you learn a new dance each week. 

This time we have opted for something much more fun – www.jivemecrazy.com – and we are progressing slowly – learning 2 new steps each week. I have to say, when we relax, we're not bad!! Plus we have had some encounters with fame. The local TV newsreader comes along, so each week I get to listen to his silky tones as we twirl around the dance floor. My husband is not a natural dancer – he is an engineer (say no more!) and is used to the left side of his brain being the dominant producer of thoughts and deeds. Each week, he devotes Monday nights to dancing as an act of love and service towards me. Each week we get to laugh at ourselves and enjoy the music and company of others. Our lessons are made so much more enjoyable because the instructors are friendly and inclusive. People are relaxed. They come as singles or couples and dance with each other regardless of age or status. One of the things I love about these nights is to watch the younger guys dancing with the older women. There are some great dancers among the young men and the older ladies just 'shine' when they dance with them. Their grace and dignity when combined with the passion and confidence of youth is beautiful to say the least. We have already had about 8 lessons and have signed up for several more. Who knows where it will lead?? I am hoping in the very least, that it will prolong the onset of 'old timers disease!' But more than that, I hope that it will enrich our relationship and help us to continue to enjoy each other as we age.

Fostering Friendship

One of my concerns regarding retirement was the social impact of giving up work. No longer would I be part of a team, working towards a common goal. There would be no more daily banter, witty comments or sharing of ideas and interests around the lunch table. Not to mention the stimulating conversation arising out of the mouths of the teenagers in my classroom! Instead, I would be facing my days alone - waking to the sounds of birds, the bellowing of cows and the occasional intrusion of a vehicle or plane heading somewhere for the day. Would I cope with such solitude? Would I be able to reconstruct my social life? And would my mind drift into retirement land where the most exciting events revolve around attaining a new standard of domestic perfection. I wasn't sure whether I really was ready to face this new stage in my life.

My work and family had always kept me busy - too busy to bother developing friends outside of the workplace, too busy to join a sporting club and too busy to maintain those long term relationships with those faithful and encouraging friends from long ago who had relocated. I realised I had not really used my 'make a new friend' skills for sometime - shame on me! I had also observed, particularly in women, a tendency to stay with the 'tried and true' friends of the past, rather than make the effort and take the risk of stepping into unchartered waters of getting to know someone from scratch. This tendency is especially noticeable when a person has lived in the same area or suburb all of their lives. There is no need to get to know anyone else- it is all too easy to maintain the status quo.

Whist I still have friendships that I value greatly from my workplace and from church, I now would have time for social activities during the day - time to enjoy coffee and lunch - maybe even a movie - but with whom???

It really was silly to be concerned, I told myself. I'm a socially competent woman - I can do it! So I decided I would be deliberate. I would take an interest in those who came across my path and see where the journey led. My first objective was to find something to do that interested me. That was easy - the gym! I needed to get fit now my body was sagging and slumping its way through life. I would take my new 'I can make a friend' attitude to the gym. Once committed, I discovered other women who were doing the same thing - and I was fortunate enough to be the recipient of their friendship. Each week my regular gym class has become the precursor to coffee and lunch with a lovely group of ladies and gentlemen from my local area. Consequently, there are some wonderful relationships that are developing thereby enriching my life as I hopefully enrich theirs. Having gone through this process I realise how important it is to be friendly and interested in others. In retirement, I have the opportunity to invest time in my friendships like never before. What a gift!

Conquering the Kepler: Part 3

A Long Walk in the Forest

After the strenuous uphill and steep downhill of the previous days, we were hoping the next two days would provide relief for our weary and aching legs. The terrain would be flatter but the distances greater. We still had 34km to go. We awoke to a glorious day - blue skies,clear, cool air and well rested bodies (despite the shin splints that had resulted from the steep descent of yesterday). As we walked, the birds sang to greet the new day. The iridescent green of the moss, the filtered sunlight and the blue sky combined to create a dreamlike atmosphere which was both invigorating and peaceful. Such depth of colour and sound stimulated the senses and enabled us to continue on well into the morning.

The track meandered beside and around the raging river - its downward fall reminding us that we were still descending despite the occasional hills in our path. For me, there was a growing sense of achievement as I began to realise that the biggest challenge of the Kepler Track had already been met and now I could freely enjoy all that this day and the next had to offer. After walking 17kms we arrived at our third shelter for the night - a lovely hut opposite Lake Manapouri. We were rewarded with an amazing sunset and the evening was spent enjoying the company of fellow trampers. Our final day would see us finish the track where we had started - at the Control Gates of Lake Te Anau. We could have opted for the shuttle bus 5 kms down the track, but instead decided to complete the course. The track continued to follow the river as it widened and wound its way through the foothills. It was awesome - such power and energy; its banks verdant and rich in life. Today we completed our task. After another 17kms we came out into the clearing - we were done.

I had pushed my body and my mind to achieve something that I would not have thought possible 'at my age.' I had done the training and the experience boosted my self confidence at a time in my life when I could be 'slowing down because of my advancing years.' It is so satisfying to be able to accomplish new things at my age!

Conquering the Kepler. Part 2: Into the Fog

The second day of the Kepler Track proved to be the most challenging. I had mistakenly thought that, having already climbed 1500m, the second day would be more moderate. The conversation in the hut the previous night centred mainly on the weather. Today, most of the walk was to be above the snow-line - we were to be prepared for anything.

The early morning forecast was for rain, so we set off early while the sky was still clear.We continued the upward climb, catching glimpses of Lake Te Anau and the surrounding mountains. It wasn't long before the steepness of the track began to take its toll- our pace slowed, our breathing laboured and our enthusiasm waned. Then came the fog - descending over us like a blanket. A shroud of nothingness surrounded us. The occasional glimpses of track only revealed a continuing trek up into the void. There was no choice but to push ahead. Eventually the fog cleared a little, just enough to taunt us with snatches of spectacular scenery. Then the rain came! Fortunately we had just reached the halfway point - a shelter which provided us with some protection from the wind and cold, sleeting rain outside. A place to eat, rest and wait until conditions improved (hopefully).

The rain did stop, the cloud began to break and the sun's warmth gave us hope for the rest of the journey. We were now walking along the ridge of the mountain. Every step revealing the rugged landscape beyond.

How incredible is this world in which we live! What a privilege to be able to enjoy its beauty! How generous is God to have created such diversity on this planet - so that we never tire of its beauty!

The alpine landscape was stunning but it was time to begin the descent. The upward climb was over - the hardest part of today's walk had been completed! So I thought! We had taken the best part of two days to walk up the mountains, the descent took two hours! So it was with wobbly knees, tender ankles and sore feet that we finally arrived at Iris Burn Hut for our second night of blissful slumber!

Today I was surrounded by nothingness, I was tired, I was ready to give up and I was exhilarated (eventually)! At other times in life it seems I am also walking in a fog. Hope seems to evaporate, life seems too hard. I am surrounded by disappointments, challenging relationships and uncertainties. At those times I need a place to shelter - to renew my strength, to restore my enthusiasm and to re-invigorate my soul. Jesus said,"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."(Matthew 11: 28).

For me, He is my Shelter and my Hope.